What kind of art do I want to make?

What kind of art do I want to make?

I think it an important question, that I can't seem to answer and it making this whole art class thing so hard for me. 1. you don't have assignment in this class, it all your idea and I'm just the worst at that. 2. I'm so scared about the criteria, the rubric, what IB gona think etc, what is Cornell gona think.....etc.. it making this a horrible experience. I thought this would be some stress relieve, but this class is the most difficult class for me.

So today I decide I'm just going to not care right now and think about what is it that I want.

I once told Mr. Cornell, I have no idea what to do, I'm not particularly passionate about anything and I just want to do a whole bunch of random stuff. Cornell told me maybe that what I should do. It an advice I never took.

I really ask myself today what is it that I consider art? Well to me art is simply thing that are artistically appealing to me. I know that super vague and if this was TOK i would fail but I just dont care about that right now. That is the definition that may just pull me of this miserable void. One of the biggest problem with art is I always feel that I have to invent some meaning to it that will make it all deep and suitable to turn in. I just feel that, that is all lie. Why can't I just make thing just because it look nice. Sure, there must be some psychological reason I choose to do what I do, but why must I justify myself?

I just want to do something fun, that look good, and doesn't require a lot of technical skill (becasue I have none)  and no I don't think it begin lazy, some DIY stuff are really cool too and that is just want I want to do.

Plan

Ok so if I can't get anything done over summer at least I need to plan what to do so I can be ready to do something when I'm not breaking down and begin suicidal. A friends bring me to a counselor before but I mean what could I tell him? I brush it off as academic stress and lack of sleep but maybe it something more now. I mean I just not comfortable to talk to him about it nor can I do it without breaking down in tear.

When I'm not breaking down I just can't get anything done. I want to blame lack of support from family but I guess I'm in the wrong for not knowing how to approach them first. I don't have the best relationship with them they never do what I'm doing they never about anything school related and that my whole life right now, all they do is sign permission slip. I do wish I could just sit down talk to them, do some art and craft together maybe...why does that seem like such an impossible dream to me? I always fell like I'm alone. I guess I do need some family support. I just don't know how.

Summer is not going so great...

      I thought the summer I could get my self together by the first month was fill with depression terrible thing happen (I cannot discuss farther detail) I'm just been crying my eyes out every night, wanting to die everyday. I just very hard to keep it together right now obviously did not accomplish as much as I plan. I can tell anyone I feel like I can't do anything. I'm trying to get my head together as best as I can. It such a stressing feeling in a way no words can describe. I feel like I'm alone in the dark all the time. I just can't describe the dark void in my head....

Maybe I do need help....

I don't know what to do...

I don't know why this is happening....

I don't know how to get out...



please help me.....

2015 Typography

Mini: Digital painting [Kirby]

 This is a simple project on Photoshop that really show me the important of shading and coloring detail here are the steps:

base sketch ----> Detail sketch -----> inking ----> base color

Normally I would have stop with the base color but this time I learn to use basic shading and lighting effect and below is the result. It come out much more detail and much nicer looking. The shading give more dimension and make the picture more vibrant and 3D not flat like it was before.

Text Effect Mini #1

I been taking interested in Typography lately, but due to lack of Photoshop skill I decided that I will start but practicing creating text effect first to build basic skill.  Today I made this:

This picture involved creating 3D text on Photoshop and the ribbon effect is created by making a black and white stripe texture so when it is apply to the layer the black part disappear leaving behind the white ribbon.

Then I created a custom brush when is just a square and set to randomly rotate as it is begin paint, to create the confetti.

This project look really simple but it took a long to to figure out the 3d in Photoshop (I didn't even know Photoshop and work on 3D plan like Maya) it took a long time to figure out how to correctly apply the texture on to the text. After some rendering the shadow effect look much better.

Semester 2 Reflection - Stream of consciousness

     I do realize that I haven't been producing as many work as I should. I guess part of that is just that I priorities this class lower than everything else and I always think I can always do these outside, but I suppose it never happen. I want to say the reason for that is I just don't know what to do, I'm just not passionate about anything. I mean if you tell me what to do, then yeah I'll do it, but I'm just not particularly interested in anything. I suppose I never been much of an art person, I just don't have a creative bone in my body. When I Google think for inspiration, when I see something that is aesthetically appealing, I know I can make something like that, but I just do not know how to make it my own. I can imitate almost anything, but I just don't want to do it if it is not meaningful to me. I mean sure I can bs meaning for almost anything, but I want to create something that i actually significance to me. I just don't know what is significance to me. In the beginning of the year, my mind was set on coding, but I was so discourage when I was told that it would be a lot of work. I suppose I just take it as people wasn't confidence i could pull it off so (it a fault on my part) completely drop the thought. I know that I should have shake it off and just do it anyway, but I just sway so easily. I might have been a lot better at it have I stick to it, but it a tragic mistake to let it go. So now I just don't really have anything. I just lack inspiration. This year just been really stress and depressing I don't know how to express myself beside through tears. Everyday I feel my existence so meaningless. At least other class have something to keep my mind occupy so, I don't think about my feeling, but in this class when this is so free form and no restriction, it make me feel as lost as ever, it remind me how I don't have a purpose. Sometime I just want to run away and disappear. Can I change the fact that I just don't care about anything? It like I want to care but I don't know how. There nothing I feel strongly about. It like all the work I do in school is for the sake of grade and not passion. Can I just make something without meaning? I feel like I always have to reflect on everything and I can't just say that that it just aesthetically appealing. I know I been slacking off and I wouldn't blame Cornell if he just give up on me. I mean, I could understand why. He got a room full of bright and passionate kid and there is me.  I just don't know what to do. How to I find what to do? how do I find purpose in life? How do I make something to express how I feel about the world?

     I think that when summer come and everything else is over I could get myself together and make up for lost time there, but people just doesn't seem to believe work can be done in the summer either. I plan to just have a relax summer where I do DIY project every week. Perhaps the best thing to do is to created a plan and plan a project for each week of summer and just do them. I hate to see it, but in the eyes of the examiner the amount of work done probably beat the meaning. Not to say that people who make a lot of work doesn't care about them. That would be the faultiest thing to say, but where does these people I'm surrounded by get there inspiration and motivation from? I'm trying to remember the time I enjoy making art for the sake of making art and not for grade...When were those time? Did I ever have those time?

I'm still just as lost as ever .... if not more

Thailand - Homeland - String Art

Thailand - Homeland - String Art

 This past weekend I decided to created string art bu nailing shape and form the shape with string.

First I thought about what shape or design I wanted to make so I decided to go with my country outline and our flag because my nationality is a big part of my identity and it is something  I always hold dear.

1). I first sketch out the design on the wooden board (since the printer couldn't print a big enough picture)

2). Nailing!!! - the most painful thing
It was very hard to nail since the board were very thin and the nail were to long and the nail would keep bending and fall out. Smash my hand so many time it painful T - T

nailing took about 3 hours (well to be fair I was slacking but still.....)

Here the finish nailing yay~ I think it look pretty decent (comparison)

Then I began string-ing(?) I simply loop the string around the nail randomly to created a nice overlapping of strings 

 I choose these colors and segmented them this way to make it look like the flag of Thailand and these 3 colors on our flag represent:

Red: the people
White: Religions
Blue: The monarch

Finish product

 This was really meaningful to me since my nationality and homeland will always be a part of me no matter where I go. It remind me about our ancestors, culture and tradition and to never forget who I am.

I also think it would make a nice home decor~ Will definitely make more of these
I'm pretty happy with the way it turn out for a first one out I think it can be better with more planing and designing.

It also interesting to learn that sometime I just forget that people perceived thing differently. I show this to any Thai person they know right away what is it, but to person of different nationality it may look just like a blob. So it a valuable lessons that people perceived thing differently base on their background and affiliation.

Long live the King

Afternoon Tea #3

Here is the next drawing in my afternoon tea series I started with a bunch of random sketch until I got to his one

I was going to draw tea cup on top of the cloud but then it turn into this

Green Tea and Mochi

I absolutely love it and think that it really cool that a random doodle could turn into a great idea. 

This was inspire by nature and forest. 

Intro to Phtography (Note)

The first time I try using a DSRL camera, it was not as easy as I thought it be. I thought it would magically give you beautiful picture, but that wasn't the case you need skill to go with it. Auto was ok for a while but I just want to learn a better way to do it.

source

• Aperture - The size of the opening of the lens 
• Bigger the size the more light come through 
• F-number 
•  Small = bigger aperture  
• Big = smaller aperture
• Depth of Field - how much of image is in focus 
• Shallow - subject is it focus but not the foreground or background (need smaller F-number )
• Wide/ Large - a lot of the image is in focus 

shallow depth of field / low f number / more light in (big aperture)

wide depth of field / high f number /  less light in (small aperture)

• Shutter speed -how fast shutter open and close / how long exposure
• high shutter speed = less exposure
• sharper, still picture

fast exposure/ give no time to move = still

slow exposure/ allow blur

• ISO - sensitivity to light 
• higher = more noise / grain (dotted) desaturated or over saturated 

Afternoon Tea

 the other day my computer decide to restart it self to update and that take really really long with this terrible internet so I start drawing a bunch of tea cup and one of them turn out really good so I decide to draw this. (This is inspire by my phone case )

White Tea - Flower Viewing

So I said to myself "hmm that cool I love it!"
and I love tea and tea time dessert so I decide to start a series of drawing under the theme
"Afternoon Tea "

Here is my second original one

Orange Clove Tea with Gingerbread and Cinnamon Sticks

Line Art 1

Because I want to do a digital painting and I horrible at that so I'm trying to find another way to do this. 

 first I sketch this picture (it nice isn't it xP) then I scan it in to the computer then open it on gimp 

have have a tool called Path tool you can created a vector then the program connected the line for you which you can then edit. the curve 

Here I created the path for the outer edged of the character 

Here is what the line look like 

Gear in progress 1

Today I work on putting gears together. However since half the class is spend on watching videos about art, which is really cool. This is not hard but really time consuming! first you want to adjust the thickness, you do so by selecting all the vertex point on the surface and pull it out. (No extrude doesn't work for some reason) and selecting all the vertex is really time consuming and I couldn't figure out a quicker way to do it yet. 

After that you insert a cylinder through the 2 gears to connect them together. simplebut took much longer than expected. 

Next time just have to make more of these using different size gears.

Melting can!

Today our teacher show us this really cool video (well I seen it before but still) it how to melt can into liquid aluminum so you can reshape it

My friend and I are planing to do this at some point it would be a really cool project. He also show us other art and craft projects idea. It would be fun to do random stuff but I haven't have much time lately. I guess gathering idea first wouldn't hurt I try to find time to do stuff over break or summer.